I look back over the last 5 years of my life and I only see failure.
These failures consist of everything from losing jobs to ruined relationships with friends and lovers.
I look back at this time period and I wonder if I can look forward enough and see success on the horizon.
I think I can. No, I know I can.
I've been on a sobriety test. 24 days of zero alcohol.
At one point or another I'm sure a lot of you have had that feeling that "maybe I have a problem".
Yeah, I've had that feeling too much over the last year. So I quit. For now. It started with a 30 day goal. Maybe it will go longer. You want to believe that nothing will control your life. That you can look to the future with no fear. No failure. Beautiful optimism. But you get to a certain age and you think, I should have been "here" by now, but instead I'm still "here".
I'm not saying that alcohol has been the cause of everything, but it certainly doesn't help. It's destructive. It can lead to complacency. To failure. Failure to react. Failure to move forward. I want to remove anything in my life that holds me back from moving forward and achieving goals. Those goals can be as small as wanting to go for a short 30 minute jog on a Sunday morning. Or, spending more time with my family. But also saving a few dollars towards the future. I want to make sure I leave all doors open. Any door that I can control.
I love these few quotes:
"you've got to learn to lose for a while"
and
"you've got to lose love if you want to find love"
and
"when there's nothing left to lose, you must set yourself on fire"
Is this too personal for you?
Love,
Marty
@martyzylstra
I also had a stint last year where I had lots of personal trouble, and knew that any drinking would become a great impairment to moving on.
ReplyDeleteAlcohol by nature is a Depressant, and drastically plays toil on Serotonin and Dopamine levels. Notice after a weekend binge how depressed you get on a Monday? Our body regulates these natural endorphins, so we can feel good naturally and have motivation. Binging on substance uses up these resources quickly, and leaves us in an "empty" state when it’s all over.
Well I had enough, and realized through exercise and healthy eating - I could feel better than any drunk - simply by making healthy choices.
That being said, I still occasionally have a drink or two.. but usually in social situations and or to slow down my fast paced persona.
I have substituted loose leaf tea's and ginger drinks into my nightly routine - and it seems to work well.
When I don't drink - all confidence is natural, I feel 1000% ready for anything, and as sharp as a thistle.
I think your post summarizes all of this quite well.
~Dylan.
Thanks Dylan,
ReplyDeleteI'm not actually opposed to alcohol. What I'm attempting to say is that last year it was something that stood in my way of completing some positive goals. I want to remove anything from my life that is a hinderance. For some it might be a dead end job, or a relationship that you aren't happy in, or even the house you live in. I'm trying to change the little things that hold me back. We'll see if it works.
-mz.
Touche. I'm working on that to... Scary sometimes - but hell - makes a person feel alive. The reward of moving forward, and accomplishing new goals (while ridding hinderance) is a great!
ReplyDeleteYay Blogging!
Life is a highway. And yet it isn't a highway at the same time. Sometimes it's a hardly worn path that is difficult to navigate.
ReplyDelete