My sister was my conscience.
When we were very little and lived in a drafty old house in
rural Manitoba, I can remember having nightmares or night terrors as the
doctors called them. I can
remember being terrified of ghosts and demons. Not wanting to wake my parents I would crawl into my
sister’s bed and she would hold my hand and say it was ok. Beth was always with me early on. When we grew up together she became my
tag-a-long and also my defender. She
was a passionate advocate for Caleb and I and would stick up for us whenever we
needed defending. I have many
memories of early years boating by the lake, picking blueberries in the field,
making snow forts in the front yard and playing games together. We loved each other without
question.
Life became more complicated as we grew up and moved west.
As I reached adulthood, Beth’s support never wavered. Early as a teenager I found a passion
for music. I would sit in the
basement writing songs and when I would come up with a song I felt strongly about,
Beth would be my audience. She
would sit patiently while I hacked away at an early song idea. If she liked it, I would continue
working the idea, if she was less enthused, I would revise and repeat the
process.
She was a fan a critic and an intellectual that I trusted
more than most of my musical cohorts.
I have a vivid memory of coming home from school one
afternoon and Beth had a documentary on TV. It was something I’d never watched before. Raw electric music from a band I
thought I knew. I thought it was
old people’s music. The music she
was listening to was R&B and blues but with intricate harmonies and a big
beat. It was the Beatles. It was an in depth documentary on the
band’s early career before the height of Beatlemania. I was instantly hooked and as Beth showed me
more of their music we connected deeply.
Beth’s life has paralleled and intertwined with mine many
times. In my college years I moved
back in with mom and dad and Beth was there too. We hadn’t lived in the same house in a while but I
look back on that time fondly as we were both starting to see glimpses of
adulthood and had a lot of fun together.
I cherish these memories. We
would drive around the Cowichan valley in my beat up old Malibu. I can remember fondly turning up the
stereo and screaming along to whatever band we were both listening to at the
time.
Beth did not ask of people. She was a giver.
She was a straight shooter.
She was humble and all she wanted was simple happiness. Her dream was to become a mom. Beth wanted to find someone to grow old with and have a
family of her own.
I remember when Eamonn came into her life. She met Eamonn on my birthday for their
first date. I remember talking to
her not long after saying how happy she was.
I was honoured to be her MC at her wedding and perform at
her ceremony. I hadn’t seen
someone glow as bright as she did the day of her wedding. I told her she was the most beautiful
woman I’d ever seen.
Eamonn completed her.
Beth’s growing joy and domestic bliss made it easy to open
my heart. She was an example to me
of how to live life. Later that
year I met Lindsay. After Beth met
her she told me that she was perfect.
Beth’s opinion mattered more than anyone’s. She was hypercritical of who was right for me and she knew
I’d finally found someone to spend the rest of my life with. For our wedding we spent a week in
Mexico in paradise. Some of the
people closest to our hearts were there with us for a week. I remember pausing
for a moment early in the trip with the thought that this would be the last
time we would ever be together as a group. I brushed the thought away and planned in my head grand
schemes of repeating the trip every few years for the rest of our lives. In the pool later that day, Beth was
beaming telling me about her adoption process and her hopes that her girls
would come home to her and Eamonn soon.
Not knowing the process I was cautiously optimistic for her knowing in
my heart that she would succeed and hoping and praying her family would grow
because I knew that’s what she so desperately wanted.
The day I met Koka and Mimi was a sunny day in June
2014. The sun was bright and there
was a slight warm breeze. Beth’s
smile was 10 miles wide and Eamonn was a doting new father. It was Caleb’s wedding.
As I carried Mimi around and chased Koka in the grass my
heart melted into my shoes. I fell
in love. Their laughter and
sheer joy on their faces showed the unconditional love for their mommy and
daddy.
Beth’s new parenthood put her heart at ease. Her dreams had come true. It was truly one of the best days of my
life.
Beth’s love for her girls and natural mother instincts made
it easier for us to dream of starting a family of our own. When we announced we were expecting a
baby later that year, Beth was ecstatic.
She shared in our joy. She
would phone me weekly and looking back I think that she was more excited for us
that we were ourselves. As
her home life grew more stable and she gained confidence as a mom she looked
toward the future with optimism.
She was planning trips to visit us and wanted our families to be
close. She talked about Lindsay
and I to the girls as if we were there every day and wanted them to know and
share in our closeness.
Beth lit up the world. She would make me laugh so loud that tears would roll
down my face. She wasn’t afraid to
be different. She didn’t judge
people for being different and would call me out if I was ever out of line on
an opinion. She also held me accountable
to the things I said but she also would listen if I needed to talk out a
problem. I love Bethann and know
she loved me. She lived 35 years
and during those 35 years, she loved me 100% of her life and I loved her for
100% of hers.
I have no regrets.
Beth and I did not always agree but I respected her and her
opinions and I feel that we were equals.
I pray that she thought of me as an equal.
Beth brought mom over to the city for a short weekend
shopping trip in January. They
arrived at our house and we ordered takeout and as we shared I meal I noticed
how difficult it was for her to get around. She was walking with a cane. She had planned to again see a doctor hoping to get a
diagnosis later that week. I was
worried but trusted her judgment and hoped that they would find something to
treat her pain thinking it was a bulging disc. As they got up to leave for the night and go to the hotel Beth
sang a line of an obscure song we used to listen to years before in my Malibu. “Our love, don’t mess with our love,
cuz our love, is so much stronger”.
I knew then something was seriously wrong.
She called me about a week later while we were house hunting. We’d just looked at our new home and I
thought she was calling to hear about it.
Through her tears I heard “Brain Tumour, hoping it’s not cancer”. My heart sunk. My knees weakened and I nearly
fell. My baby sister was in pain.
We were optimistic that there would be treatment. As the minutes ticked on it was an unstoppable
freight train of news progressing from bad to worse. I dropped everything and rushed to her bedside with
Eamonn. She looked defeated. I felt defeated. Where is God? Where is our miracle?
The news never got better.
The last time I talked to Beth she told me she loved me to
the moon. I finished her
sentence with “and back to the sun.”
Beth was there for me when I needed her and I love her so deeply knowing that there will never be anyone like her. I will never forget her.
I do not believe in a world where heaven does not exist. I cannot comprehend never seeing Bethann again. I will hold on to that as tightly as I can.
Beth’s legacy is long lasting. Without her dream of becoming a mother we would not be able to share in her and Eamonn’s love of Koka and Mimi and are blessed to have them as a part of our family.
I will carry Beth’s unconditional love in my heart for the rest of my life.
See you later Bethann.
I will miss you until then.
--
Listen to a soundcloud demo of a song I wrote for Bethann:
https://soundcloud.com/martyzylstra/how-could-i
Go to my crowdfunding link:
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/help-marty-zylstra-release-a-new-album/x/13179027?secret_perk_token=816d8a60
$ raised will help me record a new EP. Once released, all proceeds will go to a charity in memory of my sister (after all expenses from recording are paid)
--
Listen to a soundcloud demo of a song I wrote for Bethann:
https://soundcloud.com/martyzylstra/how-could-i
Go to my crowdfunding link:
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/help-marty-zylstra-release-a-new-album/x/13179027?secret_perk_token=816d8a60
$ raised will help me record a new EP. Once released, all proceeds will go to a charity in memory of my sister (after all expenses from recording are paid)
