March 25, 2016

My sister was my conscience

My sister was my conscience. 

When we were very little and lived in a drafty old house in rural Manitoba, I can remember having nightmares or night terrors as the doctors called them.  I can remember being terrified of ghosts and demons.  Not wanting to wake my parents I would crawl into my sister’s bed and she would hold my hand and say it was ok.  Beth was always with me early on.  When we grew up together she became my tag-a-long and also my defender.  She was a passionate advocate for Caleb and I and would stick up for us whenever we needed defending.  I have many memories of early years boating by the lake, picking blueberries in the field, making snow forts in the front yard and playing games together.  We loved each other without question. 

Life became more complicated as we grew up and moved west.
As I reached adulthood, Beth’s support never wavered.  Early as a teenager I found a passion for music.  I would sit in the basement writing songs and when I would come up with a song I felt strongly about, Beth would be my audience.  She would sit patiently while I hacked away at an early song idea.  If she liked it, I would continue working the idea, if she was less enthused, I would revise and repeat the process. 

She was a fan a critic and an intellectual that I trusted more than most of my musical cohorts. 

I have a vivid memory of coming home from school one afternoon and Beth had a documentary on TV.  It was something I’d never watched before.  Raw electric music from a band I thought I knew.  I thought it was old people’s music.  The music she was listening to was R&B and blues but with intricate harmonies and a big beat.  It was the Beatles.  It was an in depth documentary on the band’s early career before the height of Beatlemania.    I was instantly hooked and as Beth showed me more of their music we connected deeply. 

Beth’s life has paralleled and intertwined with mine many times.  In my college years I moved back in with mom and dad and Beth was there too.   We hadn’t lived in the same house in a while but I look back on that time fondly as we were both starting to see glimpses of adulthood and had a lot of fun together.  I cherish these memories.  We would drive around the Cowichan valley in my beat up old Malibu.  I can remember fondly turning up the stereo and screaming along to whatever band we were both listening to at the time. 

Beth did not ask of people.  She was a giver.  She was a straight shooter.  She was humble and all she wanted was simple happiness.  Her dream was to become a mom.   Beth wanted to find someone to grow old with and have a family of her own.   

I remember when Eamonn came into her life.  She met Eamonn on my birthday for their first date.  I remember talking to her not long after saying how happy she was. 
I was honoured to be her MC at her wedding and perform at her ceremony.   I hadn’t seen someone glow as bright as she did the day of her wedding.  I told her she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. 

Eamonn completed her. 

Beth’s growing joy and domestic bliss made it easy to open my heart.  She was an example to me of how to live life.  Later that year I met Lindsay.  After Beth met her she told me that she was perfect.  Beth’s opinion mattered more than anyone’s.  She was hypercritical of who was right for me and she knew I’d finally found someone to spend the rest of my life with.  For our wedding we spent a week in Mexico in paradise.  Some of the people closest to our hearts were there with us for a week. I remember pausing for a moment early in the trip with the thought that this would be the last time we would ever be together as a group.  I brushed the thought away and planned in my head grand schemes of repeating the trip every few years for the rest of our lives.  In the pool later that day, Beth was beaming telling me about her adoption process and her hopes that her girls would come home to her and Eamonn soon.  Not knowing the process I was cautiously optimistic for her knowing in my heart that she would succeed and hoping and praying her family would grow because I knew that’s what she so desperately wanted.

The day I met Koka and Mimi was a sunny day in June 2014.  The sun was bright and there was a slight warm breeze.  Beth’s smile was 10 miles wide and Eamonn was a doting new father.  It was Caleb’s wedding. 

As I carried Mimi around and chased Koka in the grass my heart melted into my shoes.  I fell in love.   Their laughter and sheer joy on their faces showed the unconditional love for their mommy and daddy.

Beth’s new parenthood put her heart at ease.  Her dreams had come true.  It was truly one of the best days of my life. 

Beth’s love for her girls and natural mother instincts made it easier for us to dream of starting a family of our own.  When we announced we were expecting a baby later that year, Beth was ecstatic.  She shared in our joy.  She would phone me weekly and looking back I think that she was more excited for us that we were ourselves.   As her home life grew more stable and she gained confidence as a mom she looked toward the future with optimism.  She was planning trips to visit us and wanted our families to be close.  She talked about Lindsay and I to the girls as if we were there every day and wanted them to know and share in our closeness. 

Beth lit up the world.   She would make me laugh so loud that tears would roll down my face.  She wasn’t afraid to be different.  She didn’t judge people for being different and would call me out if I was ever out of line on an opinion.  She also held me accountable to the things I said but she also would listen if I needed to talk out a problem.  I love Bethann and know she loved me.  She lived 35 years and during those 35 years, she loved me 100% of her life and I loved her for 100% of hers.

I have no regrets. 

Beth and I did not always agree but I respected her and her opinions and I feel that we were equals.  I pray that she thought of me as an equal.   

Beth brought mom over to the city for a short weekend shopping trip in January.  They arrived at our house and we ordered takeout and as we shared I meal I noticed how difficult it was for her to get around.   She was walking with a cane.  She had planned to again see a doctor hoping to get a diagnosis later that week.  I was worried but trusted her judgment and hoped that they would find something to treat her pain thinking it was a bulging disc.  As they got up to leave for the night and go to the hotel Beth sang a line of an obscure song we used to listen to years before in my Malibu.  “Our love, don’t mess with our love, cuz our love, is so much stronger”.  I knew then something was seriously wrong.

She called me about a week later while we were house hunting.  We’d just looked at our new home and I thought she was calling to hear about it.  Through her tears I heard “Brain Tumour, hoping it’s not cancer”.  My heart sunk.  My knees weakened and I nearly fell.  My baby sister was in pain. 

We were optimistic that there would be treatment.  As the minutes ticked on it was an unstoppable freight train of news progressing from bad to worse.  I dropped everything and rushed to her bedside with Eamonn.  She looked defeated.  I felt defeated.  Where is God?  Where is our miracle? 

The news never got better. 

The last time I talked to Beth she told me she loved me to the moon.   I finished her sentence with “and back to the sun.”


Beth was there for me when I needed her and I love her so deeply knowing that there will never be anyone like her.  I will never forget her. 

I do not believe in a world where heaven does not exist.  I cannot comprehend never seeing Bethann again.  I will hold on to that as tightly as I can. 

Beth’s legacy is long lasting.  Without her dream of becoming a mother we would not be able to share in her and Eamonn’s love of Koka and Mimi and are blessed to have them as a part of our family. 

I will carry Beth’s unconditional love in my heart for the rest of my life.  

See you later Bethann.


I will miss you until then.     
--

Listen to a soundcloud demo of a song I wrote for Bethann: 
https://soundcloud.com/martyzylstra/how-could-i

Go to my crowdfunding link:
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/help-marty-zylstra-release-a-new-album/x/13179027?secret_perk_token=816d8a60
$ raised will help me record a new EP.  Once released, all proceeds will go to a charity in memory of my sister (after all expenses from recording are paid)






July 21, 2014

Tough Mudder 2014

In February, a few of my pals talked me into signing up for Tough Mudder this year.  We did the "let's do this!" high five sort of camaraderie build up one night as a team of 10.  As I was a spectator 2 years before for year 1 in Whistler I thought based on my running training regime I probably could get through the event and it looked cool and fun and a challenge.

Here's the thing: it is difficult.  Loose stones, bad gear because you don't want to ruin your good gear in mud, and the obstacles that everyone hears about really do make it a challenge.

Here's the take away for me.  I hear a lot of people talking about things like "live in the moment" or "be present" or these types of concepts ring really true today. It's valuable advice in my opinion to live a life within the moment but something that I would add is "execute".   As an independent musician "going solo" I've been thinking that executing a plan is more important that coming up with an initial idea. 

We had the idea to do Tough Mudder and we completed it as a team.  It's an accomplishment almost more in the sense that we said we'd do it, and we followed through.   The experience is important but it begins with an idea and then execution and then follow through.

I like that.  I try to follow through on the ideas more.  Sometimes the idea isn't the most original or the newest or the sexiest or even the highest tech.  Whether it's "I want to start a small business", or "I want to lose 10 pounds", or "I want that new job" my advice just get out there and do it.  Get in there, get dirty and go.   Make a few mistakes on the way.  Today is the day to turn the entire thing around.  Massive drastic change will cause massive drastic results.

love,
-Marty
@martyzylstra





July 17, 2014

10 AMAZING songs to download right now! (#10: Blues) ***Guest Post feat. David Bosma (of the Sweet Endings Blues Band)***

When I started playing guitar I wanted to be Stevie Ray Vaughan. I wanted to play those high flying electric blues like lightning but unfortunately for me my fingers just didn’t move that fast and I ended up turning into kind of a folkie indie singer songwriter. But then I heard Robert Johnson and I thought I’d become an acoustic folk blues master and slide slinger, again though I didn’t end up being able to sound just like I wanted and I joined a punk band playing bass. I heard BB King and I tried to play just one note that could make you cry but this time I ended up singing in an indie rock band and it wasn’t too bad.
No matter what style of music I ended up playing my original intention always comes back to the blues. And now, finally, I do play blues. I don’t sound like any of those guys I wanted to be when I was younger but I get to lay it down at the local pub twice a month with a great band that’s just loose enough and just tight enough too. The blues is just that pure feeling for me, whether it’s hard rockin’, plaintive spiritual acoustic, New Orleans jazz influences, rhythm and blues-as they say.....it is a pure emotion with poetic form devoid of illusions. It is heartbreak, poverty, regret, anger, sex and drugs and guns and blades and you can dance to it. These are some cuts I would recommend to anyone, these folks had the blues.

1. Preachin’ Blues (Up Jumped The Devil)-Robert Johnson
2. Hobo Blues-John Lee Hooker
3. Poor Black Mattie- R.L. Burnside
4. Sweet Little Angel-B.B. King
5. Double Trouble- Otis Rush
6. Don’t Mess With My Baby-Howlin’ Wolf
7. Can’t Be Satisfied- Muddy Waters
8. Nine Below Zero- Sonny Boy Williamson
9. Careless Love- Bessie Smith
10. Hoodoo Lady- Memphis Minnie
11. Ball and Chain-Big Mama Thornton
--
Thanks David!
love,
Marty
@martyzylstra

July 13, 2014

iTunes

If you haven't already, make sure you go here and grab my 2 songs on iTunes:

Thanks for listening!

-Marty
@martyzylstra